This article was first written by RC Murray for the SETAF OUTLOOK in 1985 when he was stationed with the 4/325th ABCT in
Stump Hunting: A Gentleman’s Sport
It’s mid-October, and I’m depressed. Sometimes, when I think about missing a third consecutive hunting season, I consider suing MILPERCEN (
1. Establish a TDY (Temporary Duty) status for sportsmen like myself assigned to overseas stations that would allow us to return to our native habitats during the months of October thru December (hunting season) and May thru September (fishing season).
2. If the above proposal is deemed detrimental to the Army mission, establish a Sportsman’s Separation Allowance (SSA) for all Army sportsmen prevented from hunting and fishing due to their military duties. The amount of such an allowance should be equal to no more 10 times his or her base pay for each month of hunting and fishing missed due to military duties.
Those who never endeavor in the fine art of hunting just don’t appreciate my situation. Admittedly, prior to my assignment here in
Still, I miss hunting deer, turkey, squirrels, stumps, rabbits and quail.
Stumps?!
Oh yeah, stumps. As I’ve already said, those who never hunt just don’t realize the pleasure one gets in foraging for his own food. Of course, one doesn’t eat stumps. Stumps are classified as sporting game, something hunted purely for the sport of it. Stumps are a quarry for gentlemen.
Stumps can be hunted year-round, but it’s best to hunt stumps during normal hunting seasons. The reason is simple. Just try explaining to a Wildlife Conservation Agent that you were hunting stumps in March with your 30.06 rifle. “Wild men,” as my buddy Joe Redd calls game wardens and other fish and wildlife enforcement officers are usually not gentlemanly-types, nor do they have much of a sense of humor when they think they’ve caught you deer hunting out of season.
Now once you’ve settled on the proper season for hunting stumps, you may participate in a real gentleman’s sport – if you can qualify.
Unlike other types of hunting conducted during the early morning hours or late afternoon, stump hunting is best conducted during the heat of the day or shortly after the noon hour. This way, when you start blasting away your shotgun or high-powered rifle at these wooden targets, traditional hunters won’t accuse you of ruining their day’s hunting and scaring off all the other game.
This is one reason stump hunting is mainly a gentleman’s sport. Only a gentleman would be so courteous. Besides, it’s the only Christian thing to do. You’ve gotta go that extra mile for the other fellah if you’re gonna hunt stumps.
Stump hunting techniques are a little like second lieutenants; there are a lot of them, but only a few are any good. I’ve found the still hunting method to be the most effective. One simply locates a shady spot next to a nice-size clearing and waits quietly. Stay well-hidden and allow a small herd (say 5 or 6) to gather. Your changes of getting your daily limit of stumps (three) will be better. Oh, but don’t wait too long and allow a huge herd (more than 10) to form. Your shots may cause a stampede and endanger your life or the lives of your fellow stump hunters. Again, this is more proof that stump hunting is a gentleman’s sport because far too many so-called hunters these days are willing to shoot at anything at any time – including other hunters.
While I’m on the subject of danger, one should be careful when dealing with stumps. They can be tricky and thereby dangerous. Suppose you’re returning to your truck from a hard day’s hunt, and you hear somebody call you by name. Stumps can do that. They know every hunter’s name. Anyway, you turn to hear what this half-burnt, upright log already scarred by many previous confrontations with hunters has to say.
“Hey, four-eyes!” He calls, trying to provoke you. “What you out here hunting stumps for when that 10-point buck walked right behind your tree stand? Are you deaf and blind? Were you sleeping? Or are you one of them gun-controllin', anti-huntin', tree-huggin' liberals?!”
Well, there’s certainly no reason a man of your rank among gun owners and hunters and reputation among campfire heroes should lower himself to such a foul-mouthed creature and accept that kind of insult. You immediately let him have it, re-load and let him have it again. The tension of an otherwise unsuccessful day’s hunt drains away with this act of vindication.
Watch yourself though. Shooting this particular opinionated stump may become so therapeutic that you give up all other types of hunting. In fact, you may even begin to lose the self-discipline and moral bearing that once distinguished you from other, less refined hunters. You may give endless excuses to your hunting buddies and to yourself. Deep inside though, you know you’re heading down a dangerous path.
Then one morning, you rise up in those pre-dawn hours best associated with road marches and deer hunting. Barely taking time for a mug of coffee, two eggs, grits, three slices of bacon and a few sweet rolls, you hurry to meet the sun and your stump.
You fumble through the woods in the dark, deliberately making as much noise as possible so as to alert Jake the Snake you’re coming, now unconcerned that other hunters might be trying to enjoy their sport. Finally, you reach the small, clear-cut area where you know your stump is waiting. At last, you see his plump, dark figure grinning at you like the proverbial Cheshire cat.
“Wait a minute,” you stop and begin talking to yourself. “My stump never grinned at me before….”
It’s now that you notice another large, dark figure sitting some 10 feet off to one side. Immediately, you decide one of these dark figures is an imposter, and that imposter is probably a bear. Since your stump never grinned at you before, you turn to the grinning figure, aim and fire.
As the other dark figure stands on its hind legs and lets out a roar for having been so rudely awakened, you suddenly understand why your stump was grinning. As you make your way back to your truck at a double, no triple time, you remember that you were warned stumps are tricky. That’s why only those of us with a real knowledge of their ways and who have a sense of responsibility toward other hunters should participate in stump hunting.
If I should survive this season away from my heart’s desire, I promise myself I will be out there hunting next year, wherever the Army sends me. I might even take up duck and dove hunting again. And being a gentleman hunter, of course, I’ll continue hunting stumps. But I’ll be more careful this time.